I kinda just want you to care…
So, I kind of just wanted to take a moment to write a post that I’m pretty sure a lot of gay men will relate to. So, let’s jump right into my story for the night. Those of you who had read my previous posts know that I am a cashier at Wally World! I hate it. Moving on, a few weeks ago I met a guy named Jimbob (that’s obviously not his real name, but just go with it), who told me that he had just been hired as a cashier at Walmart and would start work in the next few days. We talked a little bit, and he was cool. When his first day of work came, he chose me to train him on a register, as we had already talked a little. I trained him for two days, and during this time we received breaks and lunch together, and obviously talked a lot. Jimbob is my friend. My straight, heterosexual, into women, perverted friend. That’s all. Despite this, people at work, namely this one jealous girl who likes Jimbob, have begun saying that I like Jimbob as more than a friend. & people believe it. Now, I know that my crush on a previous co-worker may have influenced their decision to believe this rumor a little bit, but come on. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I like every guy I meet. I have straight guy friends, and I’m not attracted to them in the least. It is possible for that to happen. It just annoys me to no end that people can’t grasp the concept of a gay guy and a straight guy being friends. So, yeah, that’s my rant. Isn’t ranting what Tumblr is for?
I hate when you talk to me, cause it shows how much you really don’t care about me.
There are a lot of things I’m unsure of, but one of the few things I know for a fact is that I am destined to be alone. I hold myself fully accountable for this problem, as I’m one of the pickiest daters to walk the Earth. I want what I want, and what I want is a guy who can take care of me. I know, I know, how lame right?! I have a specific look for the guy I want, a specific personality for the guy I want, and I’ve almost set my expectations too high. That’s not even the biggest problem though. My issue is that I have a bad habit of liking straight guys.
I read somewhere that we always want things that we can’t have, and I fully believe that is my issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had relationships with guys and even took things to the next level, but none of them I would consider my ideal guy. There have been numerous homosexual men try and get with me, but I’ve turned most of them down. I have, however, come across many straight men who perfectly fulfill my “dream man” quota. More specifically, one of my co-workers fills this quota perfectly. I’m not gonna go into details, as some of my followers know him, but it’s definitely a struggle.
I will openly admit to being spoiled as a child, and I’m very used to getting what I want. Maybe that’s why falling for straight guys is such a struggle. That isn’t even the worst part though. Since I can’t have these guys romantically, I go out of my way to have any sort of relationship with them at all, whether it be good or bad. More specifically, in this situation, I’ve managed to set up a group outing this weekend that includes both of us.
It sucks, as I know that I have absolutely no shot of getting with him, but I still hope for some form of relationship. I have no clue why I have this problem, and it isn’t the first occurrence. Maybe someday I’ll find the type of guy I want to be with, who actually has reciprocal feelings, or maybe I’ll just wind up settling. Best case scenario? I stop being so picky and base things less on physical appearance and more on personality. But, then again, that’s never really been my style.
Let’s get one thing straight - I’m not one of those sad, depressing, whine bags that we all see on this site. Don’t get me wrong, I can throw a bitch fit like no other, but the last thing you’ll catch me doing is whining about my problems online expecting that to fix anything. I like to imagine myself as one of those rebellious individuals who doesn’t care what others think, but in actuality I’m one of those Hollister wearing preps who spends 40 hours a week working at Wal-Mart as a cashier. & to be completely honest, I’m totally fine with that. But how did I get to this point in my life?! Gather around children, it’s story time. You’re about to get my entire life story edited down to a reasonable length.
So, growing up was probably the last favorite time of my life. When I was little, I was not well liked at all. I was that one annoying little brat who ratted everyone out for no reason at all and hung out by myself on the playground. By the time middle school hit, I was one of those depressing little things that wore nothing but band t-shirts to school that I got from Hot Topic in the mall. Yeah, that was me. I attribute this really strange period of my life to my closeted homosexuality; I had more fag in me than Richard Simmons yet I was determined to repress and hide this fact from everyone. It was my freshman year of high school when things changed.
I moved three hours away from my Mom’s to live with my dad, which meant a new school and new people. I entered on my first day at my new school in my usual band t-shirt, being an annoying and depressed little bitch as usual. I’m not sure when it started, but eventually I found myself quickly making friends and actually being well liked. I came out to my peers shortly afterwards, and it actually went over pretty well. My wardrobe began to go from Paramore shirts to Aeropostale and American Eagle, and it was fun! Not only did my wardrobe change, but my personality did too. I became more fun, and actually began to enjoy school. Towards the end of my Sophomore year, I moved back to my old school with my Mom, and that was a challenge.
When I had left this school, I was still that band t-shirt wearing freak. Though my personality had totally changed, my image to these people was still the same. In an attempt to get in the good graces of my old classmates, I pulled a complete 180; I became a ruthless bitch. I became superficial, vain, petty, and a bitch. I became friends with all the “popular kids” in an attempt to socially further myself. Don’t get me wrong, it worked, but I wound up only having a few real friends. High school went great though. I was seemingly well liked by almost everyone, I knew all of the hot gossip, and I always had a fabulous date to all the social events like Prom. However, upon graduating, I realized that all of the people I had been fake to, were only being fake right back to me. I found myself with hardly any friends, and the people I genuinely thought I had built good friendships with were nowhere to be found.
So, now here we are. I’m one of those kids who’s struggling to make it through college while working and attempting to maintain a social life. To be completely honest, I have no clue what I’m going to do. I know I want to major in Psychology, but that’s about it. I’m one of those people who likes to take things one day at a time, and my goal is to share my daily activities with you, Tumblr. So, that’s my cute little story about my life. Trust me, there’s a lot more to reveal to y’all in good time, but for now, this is all I’ll share with the world. xoxo